Grace of being alive

Ya know, sometimes I found it totally black out. Yeah, the reason why I should be born, why-were-i-born

Everybody should has his own reason to be created by The Creator right?

But now I am looking to the moon thru my rental room windows. Have I been useful for humankinds?

No, no, it’s not about being a hero or something like that. It’s about have I created someone’s happiness with my heart, being pure and live in a total meant.

Actually, all I want is become someone that anyone could count on. Whom the shoulders are needed. The thoughts are heard and the appearance’s seen.

I wanna be a stranger but leave the mark after im gone. It’s okay for being forgotten tho, as long as when im there, I could smile happily with anyone, with heart, with no burden. Being really satisfied with the whole time I may spend with them. It’s a nice thing to help the other stranger and after that being nobody. A traveler. Time after time. Come and go. Satisfied and happy.

I wanna be a symphony for someone’s life. The lamp that they might need when sky reaches the dark. The arrival whom everyone long for.

I know my life may should be alone. But it’s not lonely.

You know, sometimes I always say to myself. You never can be lonely if you are just alone. From the beginning you are alone. Never feel the community, and become-unity with people. But sometimes I ask again to myself. Why I feel so lonely, lonely enough to kill me softly.

Ah, yeah! I yell to myself. It’s not the life I meant to be. I should be mingled. Force myself. And yes it is.. I go to the crowd. Found it sick when I feel lonely in the crowded. It won’t make me any better. Why should I do? Everybody is the stranger. They have a friend beside them to cry with, laugh with, share with. And still, I am here standing. Starred by them. They might think “why is she alone” , “what is she doing?” , “why she sat in the middle chair.” Yes I am… alone.. and the worse is, I am in the crowd.

I don’t wanna be alone. I wanna have anyone to share with, even the one is dangerous, I just want. So I start to speak to the stranger, shared a story while passing by. While watching a movie in the cinema. Made them think “who is she?” , “where is she from?” , and the most I want “it’s a graceful to meet her.”

And after that, I am in my rental room, was looking the moon thru the windows. The difference is, I smile, with my heart. Satisfied with what I do everyday, feeling grace for living in this world.

I am alive. And I have done something great today. What will I do for tomorrow, always have a hope. Life is Good -LG-

I am not empty anymore and being alone is something I looking for

Enjoy every single time with myself. It’s like I am dating myself.

And I have many stranger outside whom I can share with.

I love my life.

I feel I don’t have to pursuit the happiness anymore, because it’s in the palm on my hand.

I don’t have to live in the world anymore. Because the world lives in me, no matter I am alive or death. My appearance could be a beautiful memoriam lingering in the world. At least I think like this.

I wanna this life is total. All out. Pure and full of fight. Minimize all the bad thoughts. Start to think positive about every moment. Even being dumped and single is a funny things. A failure is an art. A success is a jackpot.

The world I looking for…

No life attached or border. All is about what’s within you. Heart. Love to stay or leave.

Because again, life measures in a moment, not a time.

Families, I hope I’ve be the best part you have.

Friends, I hope I’ve become the greatest memory would never be forgotten.

World, I drag you to my hand and heart. Happiness, I summon you to be around my life. Purity I create you to fill this bowl of my heart.

God. Thank you for making me your child.

Now I’d like to sigh, how great this life is…….

Until being vain is a sin.

My life to too much xoxo to waste.

Sorry Blogg - eerrgghh :(

Okay, Hi

i nu there's no one hi me back, there XP

no, no, no it's alright, all i wanna say is Sorry to my blog, actually i barely (shall) maybe (will) (but i dont want to-do-that)(maybe) have an affair wif "WordPush"

sometimes i found it boring to make a new post and sometimes i found it not-that-cute being blogger than a WordPusher..

im sorry again with this. but when i started to look for my "WP" themes, in order to make up my site, i just opened this blog and say "Oh Damn, my Blog is so cute somehow!!"

and here i am, blogging again xoxo..

having come to experience this moment. i think to attribute it to the humanity.

it's like

You Will Find Something is Worth after You Left It

There's always Ever in nEver

actually i never think my life is gonna go to this way..

don't you think why i learn biology, chemistry and other science like death man?

science is so real and so good.. my mind just keep working and couldnt get satisfaction until i meet the end.

i am more scientist than businesswoman, right? every step i take i always think about doing something crazy.. i am a lil bit crazy to see money and to see a cemical liquid so amusing.

yeah. i never think about gin or vodka..

i more curious about Formaldehid and Helium..hahahaha

but again, here i am.. mingling with some stuffs we call

"pin"

i barely dont have a time to see the potato box.

this life just goes in a way i can not even describe... i am more english than british, the other fact that makes me a lil bit shock too.. my ability just decrease..

i hope for a better me day by day..

doing anything with heart.. giving the best to others without neglect my happiness.. i believe what i desire will comes true.. ..it's better to changes because i decide to than change for other's happiness, since God say love the others as you love yourself, so i have to make myself comfortable enough..

i am change and i proud of it..

my job is to create your smile..

and to make you smile, i have to smile with my heart..

i wanna live without any regretion.. i wanna make every second counts.. i wanna create many moments,, because that life is.. a moment.. not a time..

i love you

thanks to anyone

Wanna know Why? Hold on. Come on

Hi! (again)

actually this day is such a messy day.. no no no.. not a messy day, but a messy hours...

i really hate wiseguy. really. and hate to beg to someone. when i ask someone to A, then u swear to do A, that's what u do!!

at first i have said. if i told you, u will do B. but someone always promise to do A due to take a role for being wise act!

the hell with that! that's why i just cant stand people. people is a bowl of lie and overact (me, include, maybe)

i dont really like to chit chat heart to heart. i listen more. but when you request me to talk openly, i demand for total listening!! no hero act!!

i dont like hero! i dont like you to gimme some good advice (on your mind)!! and watch this carefully! a dumpy ass is more wise than u could ever knew! good grief. even for what you demand i have to be suffer. hold that crap. then i go. demand as you like, mask like hell i am,,

Hope for thee

i Hope it could maybe someday there is someone who loves me because i lack of something. just like i ever been in love with my archangel. i want thee who may will be my someone someday loves me like i was being in love with the arcangel.

kill me,my other character dont. i could never live if my minus is outside of me..
kill the other me dont.. if i am the good is the heart, then i am the bad is the body. couldn't be separated because it was a trully human being natural side..

for avery day has gone by. thee who may will be the next make me try to kill, try to hate the bodu of mine. but i am as good as death to kill the body the bad of mine..

dont you know it will be so amazing to know i am not alone if i love myself? my good, my bad..

it's mu art of life.. being someday good, being someday bad... no other could bring the happiness to know i am so perfect in imperfectness ^^

Crazy duzz

i find it's suck to do something i dont like to do. why my life hasw to be messed up like this. i dont what i do and i dont like being pressed by other. it's like im pushed and dragged into the spider web that i cannot pass. i wanna be free. HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!! SOMEONE!!!!!!!

im losing my mind. wanna throw up. im sickening of this trap of them they had said for my good, not bad. i hate this

I GOT A JOB!!!

kinda nervous here... geez..wondering for becoming a flight attendant or a professional model,, well guess what?? im an entrepreneur now..

but it's okay right? experience to learn and chase what i am really wanna do at once..
it's like a pain on my butt to get myself unknowingly get this.

today has to be the day im off of my town.. but gezz again. i can't. my lil bro wanna see his GF. so i have to get out of town with him. on sunday. it's kinda itchy to think about it. i dont like to do something out of rule. out of schedule. huufffttt

what am i gonna say.. i couldn't do anything since i have to follow what the eldery say..


sorry to chill my heart out... i never want to do this but sometime i wanna have a medium to talk, since im hardly to find someone who like to listen to me..

ahh..then again i, twice.. day by day.. was draming about my death father.

first. i was dreaming about the day he died. but it's the other version. i saw my dad being stabbed by knife. i am the witness. but everyone didn't want to listen to me. they said i was crazy. so they decided to call a monk. the monk took a cellphone whose my dad always use. then it was becoming a medium to repeat (review as a video) the day that my dad being stabbed. afterwards, yes it worked!!

i saw again my dad being stab. then i cried aloud. i was mouning. i shouted, but nobody stopped the monk from the ritual. my family was waiting me outside and peek me, seeing me as i was just become crazy to see a video that they dont know what the title is.

after that, in the condition like i was being torture, i took the cell phone and ran away

weird dream...but the second is beseeming a reality

the second dream was showing how my dad so strict so cruel. i see my dad snapped at me and pull out his anger to me for being so snailly in taking a bath, so his guest can't use the bathroom. i never ask to dream about my dad....
but to know his anger and how th way he was angry to me.. an evil words and the way he want to beat me.. it's make me more comfortable......